Its really hard when my family & friends wont accept my step-daughter because of this:?

They prob don't want to acknowledge that because at any time her "mom" and i use that word loosely since clearly you are her actual mother, she could come back at anytime and take her out of your life and theirs and they might just not want to get attached. I would try your best to get him to get custody of her. Good luck and your an amazing person to do this!